Overthinking

A few weeks ago I bought a book called "All Over Coffee". It is a series of comic strips from a San Fransisco newspaper. I might begin each blog with a strip while Im writing my novel this month.

"You think too much,"
"But I get a lot done,"
"You have to, otherwise you'd go crazy from all that thinking,"
"Maybe it's because of all those thoughts that so much gets done,"
"Maybe you're over-thinking,"
"The thoughts has crossed my mind".

A new day and new inspiration. That book really is enjoyable and spurs on creativity. I also taught my mom's class again this morning and now I am back at Starbucks with new passion and fresh ideas.

So here goes...

November begins

It has been months since I have posted a blog. And here it is, November, and I am writing. The irony is that I am writing to explain that I am having a hard time writing my novel for NaNoWriMo.

I have sat in front of my computer looking at a blank screen for an hour. This is the opposite of what I am supposed to be doing. Just write! No worries about editing. No worries about a good story. But I am committing to a story that I will have to stick with for 30 days. 28 more to go and I still don't have a word down.

I am sitting in Starbucks and I cannot focus because I am annoyed with the conversation of the Halloween party where everyone got drunk. I can't focus because I am listening to this conversation. And I can't write because I can't zone out. Just pick a story and write it. Just write it, dammit. But no. I am making the same excuses that I always make.

Maybe I will make this a trend, blogging about my NaNo progress....We'll see.....

community again

isn't this the theme!

My thoughts are consumed by the Saints and the idea of community and how they all work together. I've looked at what the Bible says about the idea of community, I've discussed at length with friends and my "community" about it, but I wonder what the Saints have to say. How does it all tie together?

The idea of purpose also ties into these thoughts. I try very hard to listen to the Spirit and follow its leading. I believe that my decisions are driven by a specific purpose. Sometimes they gain the support of others, family, friends, but other times I can only trust the leading I feel and I have to choose to not listen to the influences around me.

Maybe this all stems from a desire to feel satisfaction. But can our restless spirits ever be truly satisfied? I have a friend that seems to not find satisfaction in almost anything he does. He thinks that a move will change things, that different people will change things, that throwing himself full force in something that seems satisfying will change things, but they eventually lose their excitement and he is left seeking that sense of satisfaction and purpose again. How many of us are like that? When will we find it? Or when will we be satisfied with whatever God brings our way?

Perhaps the problem is in the question. Maybe we are wrong in seeking satisfaction. Maybe when the Bible tells us to live today in fullness we are to do just that. If everything is just for a season and change is inevitable perhaps that is why we are to seek satisfaction in Christ and not in our possessions or our relationships or our position.

But what is the correct way to go about seeking this total satisfaction in Christ without those other things? I can understand not being driven by wealth, but how do beings that were created for community seek satisfaction in Christ without the others that he created us to be in community with?

My prayer tonight is that I will be full of joy in everything; in my job, in my school, in my friendships, relationships, community. I pray that the love of Christ will flow through me and that in all things I can claim what the old hymn claims, that "It is well with my soul".

May you too seek and find the peace of God and the joy that comes through Him, and may all things be well with your soul.

Goodnight friends.

the best of

The past two days have been absolutely incredible. Yesterday started off with an early wake up call where there seemed to be activity all around. Thomas and his brother John were outside starting up a fire from the previous night, Zack was making oatmeal. We sat down and spent time in prayer. What a great way to begin a day; sharing a meal with brothers, praying. The day went on. I worked and I didn't suck. Then I spent time with Gabe at Aladdin's. It had been such a long time since we had done that but it was such a great time; like a year ago when these friendships were new and exciting. They haven't lost that spark. I came home and although our power had been cut off it didn't really upset or frustrate me. Gabe and I took the darkness and candles as a great time to pray together again and end our night the same way the morning began. How incredible is it to be surrounded and living with people who desire that kind of intimacy and passion for God!

Then today I woke up, early again, and joined Zack and Thomas (and Arlo) for roasting coffee. There is something so serene about that place. Maybe it was the haze over the fields were the horses lined the horizon, or the cool enough weather to permit a sweater but not require it, but that plus a book brought peace to my heart.

I then came home to an email that was unexpected yet greatly appreciated. And while it offered encouragement it also brought good news:

http://www.everythingtallahassee.com/node/786

It is truly humbling when God smiles on you and reminds you that things of this world can be quite petty. Following Him is definitely a better way to live.

ordained

What makes someone ordained by God? What gives someone the right to proclaim God's Truth and deliver His message? What gives someone authority in the state to provide services like marriage?

I am a notary. I helped plant a church. I helped lead and teach in this church. I have been involved in the spiritual lives of people over the course of several years. But I do not have a seminary education. I don't even have my undergraduate degree. I haven't been "ordained" by the church in any formal ceremony. So does that make the work I have done or the desire of my heart to serve not "ordained" by God? Is it by the acceptance of man or God that people are ordained and chosen to serve? And who decides whether someone else is ordained?

The Apostles didn't have formal education. Most of them were young men working with their families, yet they were called and did the work of the Lord and they had authority.

I obviously have loads of questions and while I am curious as to the millions of answers I could possibly receive to these questions, I ultimately just desire to seek God and serve Him and those around me. I seek to be humble and loving...whether "ordained" or not...

the Year of Francis and the return to town

So I have moved back to Tallahassee and life is an overwhelming collection of beautiful and intriguing experiences. God is showing me great things and blessing me with relationships and an abundance of love. I spend time daily praying with my roommate. I feel a freedom and a peace I have not felt in a very long time. When the congregation turns and blesses each other with "the sign of peace" that is what I feel. Like those blessings of peace are upon me.

At the same time 2007 was a year with its share of low moments, to build me up, i do believe. I have changed and the changes do not end. I am trying to find my new self in this new skin I feel I am in. I find a draw to Saint Francis of Assisi and I pray that my pilgrimage there this upcoming summer will actually happen. I have found peace with many things and that brings me such joy. Its closure but its another life opening up. Now, as expected this does mean complications and confusion find their way. As I stretch out these new skins, this new life, I have to learn to understand that the old is gone. I sat at Black Dog cafe today with my roommate who now is the Assistant Manager at the Pub. 3 people came up to him asking him about the Pub. It only makes sense, as he is the new ASM. But I sat there and was looked over. The Pub is no longer mine. And while I hate when I am told of the way things sucked when I managed it and want some appreciation of the things I did, I am needing to learn that this baby I created is no longer mine. I was mocked for having that attitude, of birthing a child and having her snatched away from me, but I need to accept reality. And the truth is I have. I love what she is now, and like all things there are its flaws, but you love the being itself and now the faults or the achievements. You celebrate the achievements and correct the faults. So it is with me. I want to celebrate the achievements of my faith and correct my faults. I want to be like Christ. I want to be new and flawless. So that is what I strive for.

I know these thoughts seem scattered but ahh the beauty of stream of consciousness. After all these are my thoughts coming from my brain. And oh that my brain were organized. Perhaps in this, the Year of Francis, I will find some Order.

Peace be with you.

papa

This week my father went into the hospital. He was there for four days. I woke up early. Went to bed late. Went to the hospital. Went to work. Barely slept.

But the day my dad went in, I asked a few people to pray for him. Over the next few days I continually got text messages and phone calls from them asking about how he was doing. They asked each other about his progress. I felt him and myself lifted up in prayer and that constant power of prayer being sent our way was such a source of comfort.

Thank you.